have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
