and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
