Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
