i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
