Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
