i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
