If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
