i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
