i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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