is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
