as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
