her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
