I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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