My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
