at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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