Is it normal to miss your booty call?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I forget how to act sober
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
