i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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