So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize