I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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