Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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