If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
