Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My vagina just clenched in fear
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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