Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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