Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
