I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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