thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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