once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
