the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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