I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
