i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
