oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
