Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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