cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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