i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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