apparently the secret to your success is patron
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
