I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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