My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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