You're so nebulous sometimes
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
