im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
