So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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