I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
