how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
