He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
