I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
