I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
