dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Four minutes until I can fart!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
