this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
