I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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