When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
