Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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