the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
