Can i not drive my cunt home
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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