There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
