bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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