If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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