In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Randomize
