If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
