watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
