is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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