and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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