my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
