So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
