I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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