I am full of burrito and curiosity
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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