Do you still have your period?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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