24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
