I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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