You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
