Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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