Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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