the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
