Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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