yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
