You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
