My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
