how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
