Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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