i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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