i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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