well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
