I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
