I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
