I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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