He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize