I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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