If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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