thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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