just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize