ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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