Apparently you make a good broom.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
