I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
