Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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