I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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