So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize