so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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