dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
