this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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