the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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