Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
wow bdsm is so cute
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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