my being single is dangerous.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
