I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
